I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
