I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
