dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
