We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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