My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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