God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
