There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
