If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
