Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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