I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
