I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
