I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
