It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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