hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
