perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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