I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
