what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
