No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
