he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
