I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
