my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
