I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
