I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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