After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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