the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
