if you like me you must not know who I am
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
