why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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