Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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