At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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