So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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