Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
