He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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