I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
