Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
