i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
