Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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(443): View more from Maryland

At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"

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(602): View more from Arizona

Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago

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(408): View more from California

I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me

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(320): View more from Minnesota

She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god

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(620): View more from Kansas

just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.

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