this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
