I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
