idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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