No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
