girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
