I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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