my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
