WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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