Someone shit on the floor
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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