4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
