Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
