She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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