And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize