i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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