if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
