I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
