Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you never un-have a 4some
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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