I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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