I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
