My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
