I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
