so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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