Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
sarcasm needs its own font
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
