I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
