peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
