All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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