Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
