Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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