Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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