I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
