Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
