Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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