I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
