i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
