I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
