If i come over, it means nothing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
