Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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